Ask me, (Blossom) Kuja, or Zelda!
by Blossom J. Waters
Summary: Okay, this is stupid, but I'm caught up in the "Ask ____" rage... I CAN'T HELP IT! But if you just *happen* to read it, we would be ever-so greatful. Kuja: Not me... Zelda: BE QUIET! Blossom: -_-;;; LETTERS, PEOPLE, NEED LETTERS!
1. The nightmare begins... For Kuja, anyway...

*Blossom can be found playing on a blue guitar, and her eyes suddenly flash red and go back to their normal cerulian* HEY HEY! As you can see, I'm caught up in the "Ask ____" fic like everybody else. Exept NOW you get to ask me, Zelda,or Kuja! YEAH!  
Kuja: I'm deprived of my happy life.  
Zelda: Will you ask ME something? Pretty please? *Bats her eyelashes*  
Blossom: Riiiiight. They all hate you. I think.  
Kuja: Get me out of here...  
Blossom: Oh, be quiet. Now...  
*Pause*  
Blossom: I NEED SOMEBODY TO ASK ME SOMETHING! *Makes a clone of herself and it sits down in a chair oppisite of her*  
Clone: Whazzaaaaaaaaaaaaap?  
Blossom: That's ME?  
Clone: Whazzaaaaaaaaaaaaap?  
Blossom: That's ME?  
Clone: Whazzaaaaaaaaaaaap?  
Kuja: Shut up. I'm getting a brain cramp.  
Blossom: That's M-Oops. Hehe...  
Zelda: *Sweatdrops*  
Clone: Whazzaaaaaaaaaaaap?  
Blossom: SHUT UP!  
Zelda: Answer it's question already!  
Clone: Whazzaaaaaaaaaaaap?  
Blossom: NOTHING! ASK A REAL QUESTION!  
Clone: Whazzaaaaaaaaaaaa- Just kidding.   
*They all sweatdrop exept the clone*  
Kuja: You can say more than one word. I'm amazed.  
Zelda: THE MIRACLES!  
Clone: Okay... Dear B-gang;  
My sister has a game named "Bob".  
Is she crazy?  
~Clone  
Blossom: Good question. "Bob" is certantly a strange name for a game, SO SHE IS! MWAHAHAHAA!  
Kuja: "Bob"? What a vulgar name.  
Zelda: How common.  
Clone: The worst thing is, he's a monster and he's tring to get rid of the humans on his island.  
Blossom: Now THAT'S scary.  
*Zelda's eyes widen*  
Kuja: Of course, all monsters are vulgar and ugly...  
Bob: *Comes out of nowhere with hie axe* YOU WANNA SAY THAT AGAN, PUNY HUMAN!?  
Zelda: AAAAAAAAAAH! RED SKIN, A BIX AXE, ANDi HORNS!?/i AAAAAAAAAAAAAH! *Runs off screaming*  
Blossom: Wait for me! *Runs after Zelda*  
Kuja: *Stands up* I'm not a human, I'm a genome-whatchamacallit, (I FORGOT!) and... I have a thong. *Starts swinging his hips*  
Blossom: THE HORROOOOORS! FEAR THE HIP-SWINGING!  
Zelda: MY VIRGIN EYES!  
Bob: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I'LL LEAVE YOU ALONE, JUST STOP SWINGING YOUR HIPS! *Runs off*  
Kuja: And I thought swinging your hips ATTRACTED girls...  
Blossom: Away from you, yeah. Besides, that was a MALE monster.  
Kuja: That was a big waste of hip-swinging, then...  
Blossom: Okaaaaaay... Hey, have any of you seen my clone?  
Zelda; Last I saw was that Bob...  
Kuja: I think he stole you- Er, your clone.  
Clone: I'm right here. Seeeeeeeeeeeeeee?  
Zelda: Did you hear something?  
Kuja: No.  
Blossom:...  
*Pause*  
Clone: I'M RIGHT HE- Wait, I can't see my hands... I'M INVISIBLE! COOL! *Runs off to... Be invisible*  
Blossom: WHO'S NEXT!?  
Zelda: OOH, ME,ME!  
Kuja: *Shakes his head* Women.  
Blossom: *Glares at him* You're outnumbered, ibuddy/i.  
Zelda: YAAAAAY! *Sits down in the chair opposite Blossom*  
Blossom: And your question iiiiiiiiiiis...?  
Zelda: Hm... OH, I KNOW! WHY DO YOU WEAR A THONG, KUJA!?  
Blossom: GOOD QUESTION! *Looks over at Kuja* Why DO you wear a thong?  
Kuja: ... Because it's cool.  
Zelda: With the nudist colony, yeah...  
Blossom: *Her eyes widen* That's ALL?  
Kuja: Yup.  
Blossom: *Sweatdrops*  
*Pause*  
Zelda: YOU NEXT, KUJA! YOU NEXT!  
Kuja: I hate you.  
Blossom: That's strange, I love you! (Not really... Joke, guys. C'mon, laugh!)  
Zelda: *Pushes Kuja into the chair*  
Kuja: So... Why can't I get any girls?  
Blossom: Ask those rabid fangirls over there.  
Rabid Fangirls: MARRY ME, KU- NO, MARRY i ME/i! I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUU!  
Kuja: Ah, my beloved rabid fangirls...  
Blossom: SECURTITY!  
Zelda: GUARDS!  
Kuja: NO!  
*The security guards come in and drag all of the rabid fangirls out*  
Kuja: *Pause* Do you know how much I hate you now?  
Blossom: Can't imagine. ANYWAY, PLEASE SEND US LETTERS SAYING WHO YOU WANT TO ANSWER THEM, AND NO FUNNY STUFF!  
Zelda: This is PG, people!  
Kuja: I wish it wasn't.  
*Zelda and Blossom's eyes widen*  
Blossom: You...  
Zelda: THING!  
Kuja: Why, thank you.  
Blossom: Anyway, please keep your reviews PG or G, and don't swamp me. It takes a while for me to type.  
Zelda: And I can't type because I don't know how to read!  
Kuja: I can't type because... I'LL BREAK A NAIL!  
*Blossom and Zelda sweatdrop*  
Kuja: WHAT!? IT'S TRUE!  
*Their talking (Or arguing) fades out as the picture fades out, also, and...*  
WE'RE TINY!  
WE'RE TOONY!  
WE'RE ALL A LITTLE LOONY!  
AND IN THIS!  
CARTOONY, WE'RE INVADING YOUR TV!  
*THE TINY TOONS COME ON! THE HORROOOOOORS! Thankfully, Bob comes and kills them all.*  
Bob: That felt REEEEEAL good...  
~*~  
Lol, anyway, please send letters by review.  
THANKS! 


	2. THE NIGHTMARE CONTINUES! WITH A WALRUS!

Blossom: HEY, ZELDA! COME HERE!  
Zelda: What is it? *Walks over to where Blossom is on her computer*  
Blossom: I got an update for that "Bob" game!  
Kuja: I don't see how that can intrest you.  
Blossom: You, too! Get over here!  
Kuja: ...Fine. *walks over to Zelda and Blossom and looks at the screen* So?  
Zelda: He... Is soooo...  
Blossom: HOT! THIS IS HIM IN HIS HUMAN FORM!  
Kuja: O_O I'M HOTTER!  
Zelda: You have competition...  
Kuja: AND HIS NAME IS iBOB/i! MY NAME IS UNIQUE!  
Blossom: And his name is...?  
Kuja: ... NOT UNIQUE!  
*Zelda and Blossom both sweatdrop*  
Zelda: Look, mail!  
Blossom: About time...  
Kuja: AND I CAN DO TRI- HEY, WHERE ARE MY FANGIRLS GOING!? *Looks at his fangirls running toward Bob, who just came in in his human form*  
Bob: I want to answer letters also.  
Blossom: Hm... NO, SORRY BUDDY, BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO GO!  
Bob: *Growls and pulls out his axe*  
Blossom: OKAY, OKAY, YOU'LL HAVE TO STAY! PLEASE! JUST PUT THAT THING BACK!  
Bob: Thank you. *Puts the axe back and mutters something (Translation: Stupid humans...)*  
Zelda: HELLO!? MAIL!  
Blossom: Oh yeah. *Turns back to the computer* The first one is...  
Kuja: *Stops doing tricks and comes over* YOUR CLONE!?  
Zelda: OOH, LET ME SEE!  
Dear B-gang;  
  
Hi! This is Blossom's clone. I think the reason you couldn't see me was because I was invisible. I must have come in contact with Blossom, because it's the only reason I can think of. It's pretty cool being invisible! You can steal ice cream... I like ice cream... ANYWAY! By the time you read this, I'm probably in Florida. GOTTA LOVE THAT DISNEY WORLD... Oh, and here's a walrus. *A walrus appears in the room that can be seen out of the window in the room they're in*  
  
~Clone  
  
Dear Clone;  
  
Kuja: So THAT'S what happened...  
Zelda: Intresting.  
Blossom: SAVE ME SOME ICE CREAM!  
Kuja: I swear, she got her love of ice cream from you...  
Blossom: DUH! *Whacks Kuja over the head with a rolled-up paper*  
Zelda: FLORIDA!? DISNEY WORLD!? I iSOOO/i ENVY YOU!  
Blossom: That's the advantage of being invisible...  
Kuja: *Rubbing his head* Hey, is that a walrus in the shooting room?  
Zelda: *Walks over to the window* Looks like it.  
Bob: *Thinking* Must resist urge... To kill evil walrus...  
Walrus: WALROOOO!  
Blossom: GO, HORSEY, GO! *Runs into the shooting room and jumps on the walrus's back* WHEEEEEHEEHEEHEEE!  
Bob: Right...May I take her place in the chair?  
Zelda: *Is still staring at the walrus* I guess so...  
Kuja: How can she stay on that thing?  
Bob: It's the blubber.  
Zelda: It's the spam.  
Kuja: Spam? That evil, weight-gaining artificial meat of doom?  
Blossom: *Is now having a tea party with the walrus* DO YOU WANT SUGAR WITH YOUR SUGAR!?  
Walrus: WALROO!  
Blossom: OKAY! *Dumps more sugar into the walrus's teacup, which is already heaped high with sugar*  
Zelda: No, let me change that, it's the sugar.  
Kuja: I knew I shouldn't have let her near that box of candy...  
Bob: C'mon! There's mail to be read!  
Blossom: *Turns her head to Bob, then turns back to the walrus* Gotta go, pig, see ya later! *Jumps on the table, knocking the teapot and teacups off* GOTTA GO, PIG, SEE YA LATER! *Runs out of the screening room*  
Kuja: You DO know that was a walrus, right?  
Blossom: What walrus?  
*Zelda and Bob sweatdrop*  
Zelda: Please, next letter...  
  
Dear B-gang,  
  
Interesting start...  
  
Why does Zelda hire guards that do absolutly nothing?  
  
And (no offense) who is Kuja?  
  
Ariana114  
  
Zelda: WHAT!? GUAAAAAAAAAAAAAARDS!  
Guards: *They come in with tomato sauce around their mouths* Mhfhrjhg?  
Blossom: PIZZA!? WHERE!?  
Zelda: WHAT THE HECK HAVE YOU BEEN DOING!?  
Guards: Uh... Guarding.  
Zelda: I SURE HOPE SO!  
Blossom: *Sweatdrops* Kuja is a Final Fantasy nine charecter who wears a thong. *Looks sideways at Kuja* We actually had to boost the rating because of him.  
Kuja: WHAT!? I LIKE MY HAKAMA!  
Zelda: Other people don't...  
Blossom: I WANT MY WALRUS! *Runs back into the shooting room and hugs the walrus*  
Bob: *Sweatdrops* I guess she won't be here for the next letter...  
Kuja: Please, take her place!  
Zelda: DON'T MAKE ME BEG YOU!  
Bob: Finally, some humans show me some respect...  
Blossom: WALRUS! *Is now flopping around like the walrus*  
Zelda: She's out of her mind... If she makes this while she is, this is gonna be screwed up.  
Kuja: Not like it already IS...  
Blossom: WALROO! *Has two twizzlers in each side of her mouth and is imitating the walrus*  
Zelda: Get me out of here...  
  
Dear B- gang;  
  
Blossom: WAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPP!!?!  
  
Kuja: Why do you wear such perverted clothing?  
  
Zelda: What would you say if Link wore such perverted clothing?  
  
-Foranigan, son of Fayore  
  
Blossom: That's YOU?  
Kuja: Not this again...  
Blossom: That's YO-Oops. Eh-heh-heh-heh...  
Kuja: IT'S NOT PERVERTED, IT'S COMFORTABLE!  
Zelda: it's scarring.  
Blossom: It's STUPID.  
Kuja: Oh, be quiet. *Sits down*  
Zelda: Well, I would tell him to put something desent on and make him sleep on the couch for a week.  
Blossom: Oh, THAT'S a good punishment...  
Kuja: *Deadpan* next.  
  
This was loony alright, hmmmm, can I ask a question? Wait, that was a question! Well  
you know what I want to ask Zelda-Why doesn't Link talk? There that is what I wanted to ask  
-Destined-warrior  
  
Zelda: That's a good question... *Looks over at Link who is miming with a group of mimes*  
Blossom: AAAAAAAAAAAH! MIIIIMES! FEAR THEEEEEEEM! *Hides behind Zelda because she doesn't wanna hide behind Kuja*  
Kuja: They're just mimes. I can do worse, you know...  
Blossom: AAAAAAAAAAH! NOOOO! PLEEEEEEASE!  
Zelda: Well, that looks like all the letters we have...  
Blossom: YAY! *Goes off to play with the walrus which she now thinks is a sea-lion*  
Zelda: Well... Uh... The end for now?  
~*~ 


End file.
